ACCEPTING EMOTIONS

I just got off a zoom session with someone who is struggling. The craziness and unpredictability of 2020 was not the cause of her troubles, but certainly did not do anything to lighten the heaviness of her load. She felt weary, overwhelmed, “done” was the word she used.

How many of us know exactly what she means? “Done” is a word I have used enough myself. However, recovery from addiction and cancer has given me a few tools to use that help me move past that feeling into one of greater aliveness. They are not new – you may have heard them before and even used them. But because of their simplicity, these tools are easy to underestimate or overlook.

I find that identifying the feeling clearly is the first step. That is like the first stone I lay down in the cairns I build. It’s the foundation. What is the emotion? Anger? Fear? Sadness?

It is important to remember that emotions happen in the body, so I scan my body to see where the emotion is strongest. My brain will tell me a story about the feeling. So and so did this or such and such did that. But I have learned, and keep relearning, that telling myself the story over in my head makes the feeling worse. It is the feeling that needs my attention, so I try to let go of the story and simply be with the emotion. I breathe into where it is strongest and relax more and more deeply with every exhalation.

As I sit with the feeling, I imagine we can have a little conversation. What is really going on? What does it need from me? That is a really important question, because it challenges me to remember that I can’t control other people or circumstances, but I can still respond to my feelings and resolve them. I allow the emotion to express itself – through drawing, journaling, painting, writing a poem, or some other artistic outlet, like building a cairn. I do something that will help me release the energy of the emotion creatively.

Then I release the emotion physically. I will go for a walk in nature, or do yoga. If the energy of the feeling is pretty intense, I will work out in some way and do some rigorous exercise to discharge some of that intensity.

I live the feelings as transparently as I can. By owning them, expressing them, discharging and releasing them, I can deactivate them and let them go, re-regulating my system. Talking with others really helps this. Transparent, honest, raw conversation takes the edge off the emotions and normalizes them.

Finally, I say a word or two of gratitude. I see emotions as teachers, because they always show me some area within myself where I need to grow. And they often provide the information that I need in order to grow. At the very least, they remind me I am alive, and I am always grateful for that.

Each of these steps is like a stone in the cairn. I can pick and choose which ones will best suit the moment. But I have the greatest result when some measure of each one is used. This is a part of how to live soul deep.

Contact me at georgeherrick330@gmail.com to learn more about healing emotional dis-ease with expressive art such as cairn-making.